I’m In An Open Relationship: PT 1

If you would have asked me, if I thought I would ever be in an open relationship the answer would have definitely have been no.  But now that I’m in one, I can see why it can work for certain people.  An open relationship works for me because I like things to be honest and upfront.  I also learned from my first boyfriend what type of relationship I DON’T want to be in.  So because this relationship has been almost two years in the making, I’m gonna break this into parts so I can explain the WHOLE STORY.

PART ONE: HE NEVER LOOKS AWAY

Senior year of college I was the chair of the Black Student Union, which basically meant if I saw a Black person on campus I had to make sure that I spoke to them, made sure they knew about the different events we threw weekly and in most cases give them my number so I could call them and whatnot (or in the case of people I couldn’t stand … acknowledge that they existed).  The first time I met MVP, I was in the grocery store with my gay husband.  I guess he had remembered seeing my boyfriend on campus or something, so we decided to walk over and say hi and invite him to hang out sometime.  It was real casual and we all just went about our way, no big deal.  Maybe a month or so later, me and my gay husband are chillin in our best friend’s dorm (she was the RA), when one of her residents walks in with MVP.  So we’re all in the living room talking and whatever and I ask MVP why I haven’t seen him at any of the BSU meetings and he tells me he was never invited.  I was like what do you mean, everyone is invited and I tell him I text people EVERY MONDAY to make sure they come to the meeting.

He’s was all like well you have never texted me, so I get his number and tell him to expect a text from me on Monday.  Now this whole time I don’t know if he’s flirting with me or just being nice, at the time I had been single for about a year and I was still a little unsure of myself and my relationships with the opposite sex.  We all decide to watch a movie and I end up sitting next to him, cross-legged, on the couch.  I can’t remember when I noticed it but we were sitting close enough for our legs to be touching slightly and I sat there the rest of the night trying to figure out if I should move my leg and if this was just happenstance or if he was flirting with me.  Anyway as time goes on, I start to get the feeling that MVP is just a big flirt and to not think much of it because I noticed certain things about him that he kinda did to every girl.  But the most noticeable thing about him was that when he talked to you, he would look you straight in the eyes … AND NEVER LOOK AWAY ….EVER.  I noticed this one day because we were outside in front of the library talking and for the first time since we had first met I realized he had the most beautiful amber eyes, which made me feel some kinda way, so I looked away and when I looked back he was still looking at me.  After that I started to notice his little quirks, like he talks really low, like in an almost a whisper, so whenever we were talking I had to get kinda close to him so I could hear what he was saying.  But overall I still just thought he was a huge flirt and it never crossed my mind that he might actually be interested in me. It didn’t occur to me until my birthday, that he might be a little more interested in me than I thought.

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Posted in Everyday Life, The Boyfriend

Yep, I’m A Sexter

Sexting: When a guy and a girl send dirty text messages back and forth to each other. Pictures may also be included, but only if you’re lucky. (source: urban dictionary)

Yes, I am guilty as charged and no I don’t give a fuck.  I pretty much been poor my whole life, I know people hate when I say that but I don’t care it’s the truth and doesn’t bother me one bit.  Believe it or not I did not become savvy to the Internet world until I was a Junior in high school, mostly because we couldn’t afford a computer and the only time I was ever near a computer was at school, so I was a late bloomer to Myspace, AIM, and the like.  But this all changed my Junior year because I won a scholarship for college, which came with a Sony Vaio laptop … SCORE!  Me and my then best friend at the time loved taking suggestive picture with it and posting them on Myspace for everyone to see, you know typical high school shenanigans.  As soon as I got home from school I would hop on my laptop to spend the rest of my night on Myspace and AIM.  Well this was also around the time when I got in a relationship with my ex-boyfriend.  Now I don’t know who suggested it, although I have a strong inkling that it was him, but I started talking picture of myself in my “sexy” underwear and sending them to him via AIM.  Now I know what you’re thinking, “AIM is not sexting” but for me it was because I didn’t have a cell phone.  You ready for this shocker, my mom didn’t get me a cell phone until my senior year, yea I was actually a kid that lived in the stone ages and called my friends from the house phone (gasp, what is a house phone? LOL) But yea, that was how my sexting escapades began.

But it wasn’t until we left for college that I upped my sexting game.  My ex-boyfriend and I lived pretty singular lives in college.  He tended to enjoy being around crazy, drunk, college kids while I would rather stay in my dorm and chill.  So for the most part, I just saw him around the dorm (we lived in the same one, I know, creepy), at like lunch and dinner times and we always slept together … ALWAYS.  Our second year of college was a little different because he lived in the apartment complex down the block from me, plus he had made a bunch of new friends so we weren’t around each other as much and I mostly saw him sporadically on campus but always at night because again, we NEVER slept alone (awww how precious ).  Because of this fact I had to make sure that I was “keeping my man satisfied” so I would go online and find naughty things to text him.  Yea that’s right, in those day I for some reason could not come up with one sexy thing to text … makes no sense, I know.  But my most memorable goes a little something like this:

Me: babe where you at?

BF: at the gym wit pat y?

Me: becuz I jus walked over to ur place

BF: oh well sam’s home, the door should be unlocked

Me: *sends mirror pic of me in his room wearing his fav shirt, no panties on*

BF: b home in 5 mins, DON’T MOVE

I only remember this because I thought of it ALL ON MY OWN, no help from google search LMAO.  Fast forward to present day … when I first started sexting people (beside the ex), I was really scared because I know how that shit can get out.  I always made sure to practice safe sexting, in the words of Kanye:

“When you take the picture cut off your face and cover up the tattoo by the waist”

But then I started to think about it and it didn’t matter if you could really tell if it was me or not because all someone really had to do was show you WHO THE TEXT CAME FROM, DUH!  Plus I have a few tattoos and there is no way to hide ALL of them unless I’m wearing pants and a long sleeved shirt, oh well.  I don’t wanna being famous or becoming a politician, so if someone wants to show everyone the pics I sent, I don’t care … I’ve only sent a couple that are XXX.  But here’s the thing there is ALWAYS a possibility that the person you send the pics to will show them to someone.  Shit, naked pics are like pokemon cards, GOTTA CATCH EM ALL ← sorry I had to do it … People WILL show them to their friends and shit, it’s gonna happen, so I don’t get why people are surprised when other people get a hold of the pictures.  If you don’t want strangers to see them, DON’T SEND THEM. POINT BLANK PERIOD.

I had a conversation a couple months ago with my ex and he says out of the blue that he had just recently deleted all those pics I had sent him … by accident.  First off, I don’t know where this came from, like why did he tell me that?! I find it creepy actually and secondly, he’s been with his current girlfriend since we broke up so I don’t understand why he still had them in the first place.  He told me he had EMAILED HIMSELF THE PICTURES, you know just in case he lost his phone or something and that’s why he STILL had them.

Whatever   ¬__¬

This should be a lesson to the foolish, you can never take those pictures back, so if you’re gonna regret it DON’T DO IT.  Me on the other hand, I say hey if my ex wants to masturbate to old pics of me that says a lot about him because best believe I don’t get my kicks from thinking about him.  And if you happen to see a naked picture of me on the internet, enjoy, I think they’re all pretty damn sexy 😉

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Posted in Everyday Life

Choke Me, Spank Me, Pull My Hair ….?

Me and my friends talk about sex … a lot, when were not talking about changing the world of course.  There is nothing wrong with being sexual and I think that people need to get over themselves and their hang-ups about sexuality, which is why my friends are who they are.  It probably came to me at about the time I had causal sex for the first time, but I realized that it’s what being in your 20’s is about — if you wanna be promiscuous, be promiscuous, if you wanna join a fucking cult,  join a fucking cult, shit as long has you’re not harming people I say do what the fuck you want and don’t apologize for it … EVER.  One day my friend had a sister circle (plus the gay husband) at her place, which was basically a kick back that we would do on the weekends to unwind and release stress from school.  Whatever I’m a perv, so somehow I end up leading the conversation to sex and I start talking about how sometimes I like to have my hair pulled.

I’m sure y’all have figured out by now that I’m Black, so my friends were like “Wat’chu mean you like your hair pulled?” LOL Well my hair is natural and I do it myself, so if it gets a little messed up its no big deal.  I don’t gotta worry about how much money I may have spent on a certain particular hair do and for how long it’s gotta last before I gotta go out and pay some more money to get it redone.  So for me, yea pull my hair I think it’s sexy but for some of my girlfriends, yes that would be a problem, you don’t go around pulling $100+ worth of hair, NO NO.  Besides that I’m a sucker for a sexy ass smack, because well let’s face it my ass is sexy and people wanna smack it, so be my guest.  Now this can sometimes cause issues when dudes get carried away. I’ve had my share of smacks that have been more on the heavy handed side to which I then have to put a muthafucka in his place.  Sometimes guys just get carried away and I find myself being like  “Um I don’t know what you think this is but you need to tone down that Hulk Smash.”

Which brings me to the reason I decided to write this in the first place.  Now while I may enjoy a little rough sex here and there I FUCKING DRAW THE LINE AT CHOKING.  Like what the fuck, who told anyone that shit was sexy?  There was this one time me and Shawn were getting it in and he gets on top of me and is DOIN THE DAMN THANG! Well I don’t know what was going through his mind but he takes his grizzy, construction man hands AND TRIES TO PUT THEM AROUND MY NECK! I was like oh hell no what the fuck get off of me you weirdo.  He apologized and all that but I was mad so I made him take me home.  But still I was like dude for real, you can’t just attempt to choke someone during sex WITHOUT A WARNING, granted I was conscious enough to stop him before he got a good hold on me but for real? Who does that?  Yea, I know y’all are probably like girl that shoulda been a red flag … well it was … kinda …I’m not gonna lie, bomb sex will make you put your good sense in a box.  But I can say this, he was way more conscious of the things he tried to do to me in bed, which I appreciated and he NEVER tried that shit again. Sometime you gotta be like look “Don’t be tryna get all adventurous with me, maybe I don’t like your type of adventure.  Let me be in charge of this.”

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Don’t Tell Me You Miss Me

When I came home from college, I started kickin it with my uncle’s neighbor Shawn.  We went out to a couple times and eventually we end up having sex.  Everything between us was pretty casual, we’d go out for drinks or watch weird foreign movies on Netflix and he would occasionally take me to work in the morning if I ended up spending the night (which happened like once or twice a week).  Things between us started to slow down when my cousin found out and basically told us that if my uncle found out it would be a problem.  I didn’t really care if my uncle found out or not, it wasn’t a secret to me but I just don’t go around talking about my sex life to my uncle.  But Shawn was kinda worried so we started to hang out less but he would still call me at like 2 o’clock in the morning asking to come pick me up, to which I would emphatically and immediately answer yes.  I’m sorry sex with him was so good, I would go from maybe wanting to cry from pure ecstasy to blurting out the most ridiculous things I had ever heard come from my mouth, so if hanging out less didn’t mean getting less sex, I really didn’t care.  We never talked about how many people we both were sleeping with because quite honestly it didn’t matter and I automatically assume that all sexual relationships are causal and non-exclusive unless it has been explicitly stated.

It wasn’t until the fourth of July that things started to get weird between us.  I get a call from Shawn on Sunday around like 7 or 8 pm, we’re just making small talk and then he goes “I really need to talk to you about something” … Ugh that phase or anything similar to it just makes me so mad … so I’m like ookkkaaay and he goes I’m gonna come pick you up, let’s go to the drive-in and he comes to get me like 30 minutes later.  While we’re in the car he is acting so weird, so I’m like what’s wrong with you.  He tells me that he really thinks “we” should come up with something to tell my uncle and that he doesn’t want to be sneaking around, to which I reply well when you figure out what you’re gonna say to my uncle let me know.  Then he goes, aw well we can just tell him by inviting him to our wedding …. And all I could do is laugh one of those awkward laughs … But in my head I’m like uh who jokes like that …

So before we get to the drive-in we park on some side street, I mount him and go to work.  I’m telling you there is nothing that turns me on more than taking control of a 6’3”, 28 year old man and making him quiver … shit I almost came just thinking about it.  We go to the drive-in and I’m fucking beyond hot and bothered but he wouldn’t let me climb on top of him again because the car parked next to us had hella kids in it.  We get back to his house and get in like 4 rounds … which is not safe by the way, I swear my vagina was swollen for a day lol … then he takes me home in the morning

I LITERALLY don’t hear from him for a month after that.  When he did call, I had missed it because I was taking care of my nephew. By the time I got the baby settled and asleep, I was tired so I went to bed. I wake up to a text message from him that he sent at 12:30am which said “IGNORING ME?” So I text him back at like 8am and I say “not at all” … then he calls me a week later while I’m driving to the club that I GoGo at on Fridays, I tell him I’m on my way to dance and he’s all like “awww I miss you though mami, I wanna see you” but something about him was annoying me so I was like oh yea well I gotta go and he tells me to call him tomorrow … I didn’t.

Well that next week we had a city wide black out that lasted for like 12 hours, shit was crazy and everyone was hella annoyed. Me and my mom go over my uncles’s house on Sunday and he’s tell us how him, his girlfriend, Shawn AND HIS GIRLFRIEND all kicked it at his house and got hella wasted and shit. Yea that’s right, in the month that I hadn’t talk to him, Shawn got himself a girlfriend … and at first I was like well self, you ain’t got the right to be mad but then I thought about it and I was like nah fuck that. Here’s why I was mad: I could give a fuckless who he’s talking to, having sex with, or dating but don’t tell me you “miss me” when you don’t. He didn’t miss me he missed my vagina, which was all he had to say. I mean come on dude, any girl you call past MIDNIGHT who 1) answers the phone and 2) says come get me right now is obviously DTF and there is no need for trickery or the like.  Second, I was mad because we had just had a semi serious conversation about telling my uncle about us which to me meant that he liked me more that just a cuddy buddy.  What was the point of that conversation? And lastly, I know his track record when I comes to girlfriends; he’s sexy, tall, works construction and knows how to PUT IT DOWN, which means all of his girlfriends have been crazy and jealous (which is semi-understandable).  I never agreed to be in a causal sexual relationship with a guy who has a girlfriend, it’s not what I do, and I don’t appreciate being put in the situation without being notified.  It’s bad enough he has three four-year-old daughters (a set of twins and a single) who are like 30 days apart and two crazy baby mamas.  What do I look like getting caught up in the drama of the baby mamas AND a new girlfriend …. OH HELL NO

Looks like my roster is down a player, so I’m taking applications … anybody interested 😉

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Posted in Everyday Life, Relationships

Would You Use Your Teeth To Eat Whipped Cream?

I had one pretty serious relationship in my whole life and it last 3.5 years.  Obviously I was devastated when our relationship ended, more because I felt like the last couple of months of our relationship were held together by lies and selfishness.  Anyway, it took me awhile to get over this really because being with him was kinda like a part of my person.  Luckily for me I was in the process of really finding myself and I had fortunately met all the people who are my BEST FRIENDS IN THE WHOLE WORLD.  I’ve never really been a people person and I am quick to cut people out of my life and never look back; I used to say you could lock me in a room with no windows and no doors and I’d be just fine as long as I got some books to read every now and then.  But when I got to know my six best friends, I couldn’t imagine living in a world without them.  PLUS they were there to make sure I didn’t have any Jasmine Sullivan or Waiting to Exhale moments during my break up.  We had broken up December 2, 2008 … I remember the exact date only because it was the day BEFORE (well about an hour to be exact) my 21st birthday …. Weeeeeeeee HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME! :-/

And it was almost a year later that I had my first sexual experience with a person other than my ex-boyfriend.  Unfortunately for me, the second person I had sex with in my entire life was probably not the person I should have had sex with.  Why you might ask?  Well because when he went down on me … he bit my clit and I swear he was trying to eat my vagina for a midnight snack. Like excuse me, what are you doing down there?  The GOLDEN RULE OF ORAL SEX has always been be careful with the teeth.  A little sexy nibble is fine, but my lady parts do not appreciate full on scrapping and gnawing.  I mean if I did that to him he’d probably have a fit and be like WTF, so what in the world made him think it was okay to do to me.  I tried to get him to stop and you know show him what to do but he couldn’t take direction, so I had to stop him and refused to let him go anywhere never my sugar box for the rest of the night.  Plus out of the 6.5 people I’ve slept with, he hands down has the smallest dick I’ve ever encountered.  And considering my skepticism about my ex-boyfriend’s goods, I seriously don’t know how I even allowed this sexual encounter to last more than 30 minutes.  Honestly I think it was more about being sexually free since my break up and less about the sex, but that was the worst sex I’ve had in my 24 years of life LOL

Do you use your teeth to eat whipped cream? No you just put it in your mouth and enjoy but OBVIOUSLY he didn’t get the memo.

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Posted in Everyday Life

This One Time In High School …

“This one time, in high school, I let my boyfriend use the backdoor…

Yep, I sure did and while I don’t regret it … I’ll never do that shit again (pun intended …I guess LOL).  So my first and to-date ONLY serious relationship started the last month of my Junior year of high school.  By all accounts we were a pretty legit (read: typical cliché captain of the basketball team, captain of the cheerleading squad) couple.  We were in LOVE and gave our virginity to each other, you know on the track of being high school sweethearts, we even went to the same college (which we DID NOT plan or do on purpose but people still don’t believe us), but alas we never made it down the altar.

Anyway my boyfriend seemed to think that because he would watch hours and hours of porn that he knew all there was to know about sex.  And because of this fact, I was to go along with whatever he suggested and for the most part I did, not because he wanted me to but because I became curious as well. The summer before we left for college we took a trip to Six Flags with two other couples from our group of friends (we consistent rolled with a group of like 4 other couples, which makes for some interesting stories). We drove up to Valencia, got a hotel for the evening, then we went to Six Flags in the morning. After talking some guy in the parking lot into getting us three rooms, we chilled in the pool til it got dark. Then we went to our room, which had one of those connecting doors, so we just fucked around for awhile doing stupid shit and joking around.

One of our friends was notorious for saying the most obscene things about him and his girlfriend and out of no where he was all “alright well I’m gonna go try and make Julie squirt so don’t fuckin open this door” … well that just set the mood for the rest of the night and I’m assuming this is when my ex-boyfriend got the bright idea that he was gonna experiment with me. A little while later me and my boyfriend are having sex and he’s all “can I try something on you?” And of course I said yea, so he tells me to get on all fours on the bed and I’m like omg what are you doing lol Yea so he goes in the backdoor and all I can say is that its the weirdest feeling ever … I didn’t hurt at all but it didn’t feel good or arousing by any means. Plus it was kinda gross, if you know what I mean so we stopped and took a shower.

This experience taught me two things:
1. If anyone ever asks me for a key to the backdoor, I will politely tell them, sorry that is an exit door only

and (which came to me a year and a half after our 3.5 year relationship ended)

2. Either I have an abnormally large backdoor OR my boyfriends goods were not as GRAND as we both thought

I prefer to believe it is the latter of the two for this simple fact: everything seemed to go as planned, with NO PAIN AND NO LOOB :/

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Posted in Everyday Life, Relationships

This is beautiful

Tenesia Teri~Ann

Dazed

Confused

A hazy memory

My legs

Wrapped around your waist

Kisses, more~ish kisses

Coming at me fast

Like a train

The urgency

Causing me to rush

The pounding need

To feel you

Causes me to attack

As hungry for your touch

As I am hungry for love

For life

Fully dressed

Yet somehow my panties

Have hit the floor

Heavy breathing

A constant high

I need this

You have won this round

As you grip both of my hands

I rejoice in utter joy of your win

Your kisses so sweet

Everything about you causes

Me to overheat

My body temperature reaches its peak

I struggle to break free

A dangerous game of stay or go

I attempt to run away from this madness

The good girl inside wants to flee

But the bad girl wants to stay and be free

Free to be wild

To live risk free

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