VERSATILE BLOGGER AWARD

I have been slacking on my blogging due to the fact that I am frantically trying to get everything situated because I am going back to school yay!  When I came back to give my blog some TLC, I returned to the wonderful surprise of receiving a Versatile Blogger Award from the anonymously wonderful & sensual SexualLifeOfAWife.  I came across her blog two months ago when I decided to start blogging.  I love her blog because it reminds me of those HBO soft-core porns but with better storylines ;

So here is how the VBA works:
1. You gotta thank and link back to the person who gave you the award
2. Share 7 things about yourself
3. Pass the award along to 15 bloggers who you have recently discovered and who you think are fantastic for whatever reason! (In no particular order…)
4. Contact the bloggers you’ve picked and let them know about the award

Seven Things About PrettyRoundBrown

1.      I  L O V E Cheesecake! But it has to be like the cheapy box kind, I think New York Style is too rich and tastes too much like I’m taking a bite out of a chunk of cream cheese

2.      With my new sexual prowess (lol) I can proudly say that I am part of the exclusive club of women NOT afraid/worried/bothered/ashamed/timid about having sex with the lights on/in the daytime.  Now when I was 17, this was a different story.

3.      I can’t stand penguins, I would go as far as to say I’m mildly afraid of them.  Something about the way they waddle creepy me out

4.      People think it’s strange but I don’t like children.  I see them as little sociopaths and they demand too much attention that I don’t want to give.

5.      If you haven’t picked this up from one of my posts yet, I have been GoGo dancing for about a year at a lesbian club.  I have never been bi-curious but there is this bartender at my club who I would totally date but I think it’s because she looks like the type of GUY I would go after but alas her boobs remind me that she is indeed a lady and loves the ladies as well

6.      Yes it is true I am 24 years old and afraid of the dark.  I mean I can sleep in a dark room but don’t leave me alone a dark bathroom or garage …I will surely freak out.

7.      98% of the shoes in my closet are Converse.  I used to wear ONLY Converse every day in college but I have expanded my shoe collection to included a few pairs of flats and some very sexy thigh high boots

I actually blog mostly when I’m at work, so I haven’t found 15 that I love to read so here is my list of 12 (plus sexuallifeofawife, which makes my list 13), I need 2 more blogs to follow to get to 15 :

Black Girls Are Easy – this blog is like that friend that tells you if that dress REALLY makes you look fat or not

C. Pendola – great girl living her life as a Los Angeles transplant

CollegeCandy – helps me keep those college days close to heart

GLAMerotica101 – lots of great sex tips and tricks, plus sexy product reviews

La Vie En Rose ­– Chloé is young and free and living her life

Married 2 The Blog Presented By BlogXilla – LOVE LOVE LOVE BlogXilla, he was the real reason I learned to be more open about sex (also keep me company when I was moping around during my break up)

mizzlovelippz – very strong, independent woman

ps… lovecharli ♥ – great blog, always up lifting and insightful

Sexually Oriented – life MTV says, it’s your sex life, own it and this blog is no exception

Social Insecurity – seriously talented poet

The Ramblings of a Lesbian Brooklynite – I swear I want to be friends with her, she is so down to earth

When “Keeping It Real” Goes Right – tells it like it is, PERIOD.POINT BLANK

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Posted in Everyday Life

Purple Pussy

Unfortunately for women everywhere many of us have come in contact with the dreaded “cookie monster” and one of my godsister’s was no exception. Her problem however is that because she is so jaded from her recent divorce, she occasionally would have sex with this guy, who she refers to a “ninja turtle”, purely because she wanted sex and no one else was available. I too have been guilty of doing this, not with the cookie monster though – I REFUSE. But the difference between our situations was the fact that ninja turtle wanted to be in a relationship with her and took her non-interest in a relationship with him as her “playing games and not knowing what she wants.” Um WHATEVER.

Anyway she and ninja turtle are friends from high school, sometimes they kick it and do boring things. I was invited along with some of her other friends from high school and we decided after having no good ideas to just go to Friday’s. While we were there we some how got into a conversation about sex and relationships (typical of my life). Apparently Ninja Turtle doesn’t date (aka have sex with) Black girls because we have “purple pussies”. I was like oh really? Well, you haven’t seen this pussy and it sho ain’t purple. You don’t understand how much self-control it took for me to look at him and calmly respond with “wow that’s really on a level of self-hate, but that’s your issue and that’s for you to deal with”. Just for clarification: Ninja Turtle is Black and my godsister is white.

He also made the absurd comment that he doesn’t have sex with Asian girls because “they make weird sex noises” and I couldn’t help myself but let him know that he is clearly a crazy person. Now I’m not an Asian woman but I’m sure their “sex noises” are no different from any non-Asian woman’s sex noises.

But the whole Black woman, “purple pussy” thing is even more ridiculous. I’ve seen plenty of vaginas from watching porn and I have yet to see a Black woman (or any woman for that matter) with a purple vagina. I’ve seen baby pink to a very deep red but no purple. First of all, I don’t understand what the HUE of a woman’s vagina has to do with anything at all. And secondly I wanted to tell every woman he comes in the vicinity of that he’s a wack job.  Now I understand thinking that genital are unattractive, because I myself have never seen any naughty bits that I thought were beautiful, I mean that’s where the phrase “bumping uglies” comes from.  I read a good post from Sexually Oriented about a temporary dye that will turn your labia back to a youthful pink  ¬__¬

Why the fuck does the color of my ladies parts matter?!?!  Seriously, I’ve never heard women talking about the color of a man’s penis mattering, so why does the color of a woman’s vagina matter so much to men?  If you know the answer, please fill me in because I am baffled.

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Posted in Everyday Life

How I met the neighbor …

It was my uncle’s girlfriend’s birthday and he had decided to throw her a surprise party.  His house wasn’t big enough, so Shawn, his neighbor offers to let him have it at his house.  My mom, sister, aunt, and I are in charge of bringing the cake but we don’t know the neighbor that well, so we go over to my uncle’s to get my cousin to come with us because there is nothing more awkward than sitting in a stranger’s house.  My sister and I are bored; no one is really over Shawn’s yet  because Black people run on “CP time”.  Me and boredom don’t mix, especially if I’m at a party or a club, it always leads me to getting more drunk than I should be.

Well you guessed it by the time everyone shows up (including my uncle and the birthday girl), I’m drunk and dancing with my cousin because I love the way he dances.  We had a crush on each other when we were like 9, which always seems to come to the forefront of my mind in situations like this.  But shit I’ll be honest, I know that if we weren’t related and he wasn’t such a bum we’d probably hook up, I have an instant attraction to guys that can dance.  So I’m looking around for the bathroom when I see Freddy, we went to high school together and I had forgot (drunk-amnesia) he kicks it with Shawn and his brother.  Apparently you have to be MacGyver to open or close the bathroom door, so I need Freddy’s help.  He stands by the door so he can help me get out once I’m done and some how we end up in the kitchen talking.

My mom decided that I needed an escort, so she put my little sister on security detail, “make sure your sister is safe” she tells her.  Now she’s following me around; popping up every 10 minutes to “make sure I’m safe”.  Somehow I convince her that she needs to go in the den and leave me alone because now I am hardcore flirting with Freddy and I KNOW that if i said “hey let’s fuck”, he would so be down … and well I’m drunk so I am ALMOST at that point in the night.  And then Shawn walks in.  Now like I had said before I didn’t really know him besides seeing him occasionally when I went to visit my uncle but he was seriously looking super sexy.  It was his sister’s birthday as well so he was all dressed up to go out with her so he wasn’t gonna stay for the party we were having at his house.  Me, Freddy, and my cousin (don’t ask me where he came from I can’t remember) were all just talking about me taking them with me to club that I dance at next Friday.  Shawn said he wanted to go too, so I got his number and well … as they say, the rest is history. (breaking rules, scary sex, getting mad)

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Posted in Everyday Life, Relationships

Uh oh … I broke rule #2

Wow … you know how guys sometimes say stupid shit like “when I’m through with you, I’ll have you walking funny” and you just look at them like “yea, sure, whatever you say.”  Well that ACTUALLY happened to me last night/this morning.  Before I get into the details, I just wanna say that … I’m a dirty mistress.  I have broken the rules and my friends are gonna yell at me … but it was worth it.  I tied my good sense up and locked her away in the closet folks, because I gave in to my vagina’s yearning to have it’s walls filled and I had sex with Shawn :O

GASP, I know but at least I’m not in denial.  I know what I did was wrong but my roster has been empty and finding someone to fill Shawn’s place has been a no-go, plus it’s REALLY hard to walk away from MIND BLOWING SEX. Okay enough of my semi-attempt to explain my actions, on with the details ….

Last week I went out with my best friend and her Godmom’s brother and his girlfriend, who were visiting from Milwaukee or some weird place like that, that I’ve never heard of.  We went to happy hour so we could get some cheap drinks before we went to a bar later that night.  Me and the BF spent most of our time trying to find some cute guys to hit on but alas no luck.  I had drank two margaritas and you know when I drink all I can think about is sexy time.  I tell my BF to keep an eye on me because I am NOTORIOUS for drunk texting people (i.e. guys) and setting up booty calls.  I was extremely tempted to text Shawn because I know I coulda gotten some sex out of him but I kept reminding myself that he has a girlfriend now, so he’s off limits.  With my BF keeping an eye on me, I resisted temptation and I texted my boyfriend instead.  I was hoping we could set up a late night skype date but he never texted me back.  Anyway I survived the night and sadly went to bed sexless and restless.  The next day I felt so good that I HADN’T texted Shawn because when I went to my uncle’s house after church as usual, Shawn was there … WITH HIS GIRLFRIEND. So yea I was happy that I didn’t call him and look like some thirsty trick.

But … he called me last night around 8 and well let’s just say my vagina’s need for sex got the best of me and I was jumping in his car on the way to his house an hour later.  He kept telling me how much he missed me and how he’s sad that I keep avoiding him and blah blah blah.  I just told him he was a dirty, filthy liar and that I in no way believed anything he said.  When we get to his house, he puts on a movie, which was actually pretty good and it started to feel just like things were between us when we first met.  But I didn’t come just to watch movies all night, so just as the credits start rolling, I straddled him and we start making out.  As I’m grinding on him, I can feel him getting hard, he takes of my hoodie, then my shirt, picks me up off the love seat and throws me on the couch.  We both start to undress each other; more sucking, licking, touching, then he pushes me back and enters me. Sex on the couch was a bit of a blur to me because we were all over the place and then he does the sexy shit ever.  He was sitting on the couch and I was straddling him, when he decides that we need to take this to the bedroom, so he stands up holding me, while he’s still inside of me.  I wrapped my legs around his body and my arms around his neck and we head to the bedroom.  He’s holding me, walking up the stairs and STILL giving me the business.  It seriously was probably one of the sexiest things that has ever happened to me to date.  We finish in the bedroom and laid there for a good 10 minutes talking about food and then it was time for round two.

This time though, I don’t know if my vagina was extra excited or what because my vagina was so wet it was dripping, it was so crazy, I had never had that happen to me before.  Besides that I got the most intense adrenaline rush that I felt this crazy flood of emotions through out my whole body.  I would describe it has that moment you get to the very top of a roller coaster and the rush you feel as you’re dropping and screaming and scared but happy and excited all at the same time.  I was physically holding my breath, yea it was beyond intense.  And I freaking knocked out after that.  We woke up at like 4:45am because he needed to take me home so I could get some sleep before I had to get ready for work.  I told him “it’s 4:45, you got 20 minutes”, so we had round three… amazing quicky

… and now I’m walking funny

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Posted in Everyday Life, Relationships

Skype + Porn

BF: me & u 2nite, skypedate?

ME: wat time

BF: late nite

ME: fa sho i’ll call you when i get home from dancing

I probably see my boyfriend once or twice a month because he lives 2-3 hours (depending on traffic) away from me.  I’d probably see him more if A.) my car was drivable and B.) he could come to my house.  Well he can come to my house, BUT I live with my mom and she has a strict “NO SEX IN THE HOUSE” rule and that just defeats the purpose of him coming to visit.  My boyfriend SWEARS that he can come over and spend the night and just sleep next to me, which I don’t doubt but I CAN’T do that.  There is no way on this green Earth that I would just SLEEP next to him.  No no, i assure you that sex will be had.  So because we don’t see each other often, we have recently decided that late night skype sessions will have to suffice.  Personally, it makes me more sexually frustrated than anything because I get to a point where I want SEX with him not him watching me masturbate.  But it does make things a lot sexier when we actually do get to see each other.  Plus I am currently not sleeping with anyone besides him because I have yet to find a replacement for Shawn, although I did meet someone on my way to work last week, so who knows.  I mean seriously how long can a girl live off of sex twice a month?!?

Our last skype date was a little different because I had just go home from dancing so I put on a little show so he could see my outfit.  We were making small talk, but he seemed to be distracted so I jokingly ask him if he was watching porn and to my semi-surprise he answered yes.  I told him I wanted to watch too, so he did a screen share so I could see.  For those of you who don’t have skype, when you screen share it turns off your camera, so the person you are sharing with can only see the screen but not the person.  It’s kinda confusing, on my end I could only see the video he was watching and I couldn’t see him, but he could see me.  He was watching ladies giving blow jobs, but no penetration and then I got the hint that he was trying to “teach” me what he liked.  Now I know for a FACT that I give extremely good head, I timed myself once and the fastest I’ve made a someone cum was 5 minutes, which was AMAZING because he usually took like longer than an hour to cum which I thought was weird.  He had this thing about not being able to cum unless the lady cums first, which you would think was great but it really just left me with a sore vagina most of the time.

Anyway, the boyfriend has this thing about wanting to cum on my face, which I am adamantly against, I’m getting there, I’m just not there yet.  So were watching all these videos where the lady is getting dick slapped or some dude is cumming in her eye and she’s smiling about it and the boyfriend is all like you see her, she looks like she is enjoying it.  To which I’m like yea of course, she get’s paid to “look like she’s enjoying it”.  I mean hey, if you personally enjoying being dick slapped more power to you, but I don’t see the point, I don’t find it sexy and it doesn’t turn me on.  And I’ve heard from plenty of people that getting cum in your eye burns.  I wear glasses or contact sometimes and I don’t think that it would be safe to get cum in my eye when I already have vision problems LOL.

We had probably been watching bits and pieces from different videos for about an hour before I start to get horny.  I know he can see me so I move my cam so he can just see my face, take off my panties, then position the cam again to where I know he can see a clear visual of my soft ass, looking like the rising sun on his screen.  He turns off the screen share and tell me the three words I love to hear … “lemme see something”

I dunno what it is but he always say this to me like right before we have sex and it just turns me on!  I grab my g-spot vibrator and I lay in front of the camera, so he can watch me in all my glory.  Right as I’m cumming he tells me not to stop so I hold the vibrator there and I swear to you it was the most intense feeling I had ever had.  I literally stop breathing and didn’t know it until, I heard myself taking a breath.  See usually when I masturbate I just do it for the quick satisfaction of the orgasm and sometimes to fall asleep if I have insomnia, so I have never even thought once what would happen if I didn’t stop after I had climaxed.  It was great but I’d rather have someone there with me if I’m gonna do that, otherwise I feel like I’m having sex with myself LOL

I got two things from this skype session:   1. I learned some techniques that I tried out on my boyfriend the next time I saw him and   2. I fucking had an outer body experience with my G-Spot vibrator … but this time the boyfriend did it for me 😉

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Posted in Everyday Life, The Boyfriend

Definition of A Ho

Like I’ve mentioned before, I generally don’t give a fuck about what other people do, as long as it’s not harming me or the people I care about.  In turn, I expect the same from my friends and family … leave people the fuck alone and let them do what the fuck they want.  Recently, I’ve had a friend who’s been attracted to sleeping with men who clearly have girlfriends.  I’ve told her numerous times that she is a home wrecking floozy and needs to stop it.  She claims that one of the guys she’s had sex with has a girlfriend that knows what’s up, but “doesn’t care”.  Shit I dunno, it’s not my business but we have gone over the rules as to what actions constitutes as being a ho, in our friend circle.  My friend’s and I are all entering our late 20s, so we have come up with three simple rules that we all hold each other accountable to, in order to minimize any drama when we decided to embark on our sexcapades.

Sex + Strangers

Out of all my friends, I was the first to have a one night stand.  It was very successful and we were all thoroughly impressed by my accomplishment LOL.  I met Mr. Sexy at a party, we talked, flirted, did some serious grinding on the dance floor, ended up at his place around 6 in the am, engaged in some delightful, drunken sex and he drove me back to my friend’s place around 8 am. This was acceptable behavior.  Hoeish behavior would have been to have sex with this stranger in the following places:

  1. Club Bathroom
  2. Any bathroom
  3. Outside
  4. In a car

RULE #1: If you have sex with a stranger in an inappropriate place, you are being a ho.  STOP IT

Sex + Stranger + Stranger’s girlfriend/boyfriend

Bestie spots a cutie, conversation ensues, numbers are exchanged. Bestie could then A) Fuck on the first night, which is acceptable as long as Rule #1 is being followed or B) Wait a couple days, weeks, months maybe before having sex.  Let’s say either one of these scenarios goes down and after the fact find out the cutie has a girlfriend/boyfriend  … welp that’s too bad and not anyone’s problem but the stranger and their partner.  Like I said before we are trying to avoid drama here, so having sex with this person is now off-limits.  The most important thing to remember here is that knowledge of the partner occurred after the fact. Our friend circle is not okay with people who engage in activities with a person in a relationship knowing that the other person’s partner would be upset about.

RULE #2: If you knowingly have sex with someone who is in a monogamous relationship, you are being a ho.  STOP IT

Personal Responsibility

When we all go out as a group, before we leave the house everyone calls out “PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY” Which means you are personally responsible for yourself and your actions.  Before I left with Mr. Sexy when I had my one night stand, I made sure that my friends saw who I was leaving with … because I was being personally responsible.  We take this most seriously and always make sure that at least ONE person knows who we’re with and/or where we’re going.  And as I write this I just thought of a new one that we need to add: text your friend the stranger’s number and/or a pic of the person.  All of my closest friends are female, except for my gay husband and we’re all pretty tiny (like 5’5″ and under), so we make sure that we pay attention to our surroundings and try to avoid kidnapping at all costs.

RULE #3: If you are not worried about your personal safety, you are being STUPID.  STOP IT

So should anyone in my friend circle (including myself) break these rules and something unfortunate happens, touch love will be the response.  As friends, we are all very upfront and completely honest with each other.  While we all are going to do what we want regardless, no one is gonna go on “ride or die” mode if one of us was in the wrong.  Case in point: I had a friend that was notorious for sleeping with married men … at their houses, in their beds.  Luckily, no shit ever popped off with the wives of said men, but if it had she woulda been on her own tryna fix that situation.  Not to say that if shit got super dangerous I wouldn’t be a friend and call the cops but I told her I was not gonna get involved with that drama.

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Posted in Everyday Life, Relationships

I’ll Be A Groupie Tonight

Last month I went to Miami with one of my girls to visit our best friend, who recently moved out there.  Let me just say that for my FIRST TIME EVER leaving California, it was not as fun as I wanted it to be.  I think it was mostly because it was a vacation for me and TK but for AG it was just where she lives now.  Overall though it was great for us all to be together again, since the last time we saw each other was at their graduations.  Anyway we went to this club in South Beach called “Club Play”  which was really nice.  TK knew someone who got us in the VIP, so we chilled there for awhile but that got boring so we made our way to the upstairs part of the club, which I later found out was VIP … yea the WHOLE UPSTAIRS.  Well I had been super bored sitting in the VIP when we first got there and ended up drinking way more than I had planned so by time we went upstairs I was beyond drunk.

We had been upstairs awhile chillin at some dude’s table when the DJ was like “Trey Songz is here!!!” I was like WAIT WHAT!!!!!! And I commence to unleashing my inner groupie to find him, sadly I searched and searched but alas I did not find him so I am convinced he WAS NOT THERE.  Believe me if I would have found him that woulda been it.  I’ve never been one of those people who stalk celebrities because it’s really not that serious.  I’m from SoCal, which means you will inevitably run into a famous person from time to time.  But my friends think I’m crazy because  I have a list of people I would go groupie for:

1. Trey Songz

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2. Wale

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

3. Chris Brown (yea I said it)

These dudes will have me acting like I was raised by wolves, I promise.  One of my friends was like why would you want to have sex with Trey Songz, you would probably come back with some kind of disease, plus it probably wouldn’t mean anything to him anyway.  And to this I said SO WHAT! I take the proper precautions when I engage in sexual relations, so If I happened to catch the SARS from Trey then so be it, that’s the risk you take when you sleep with people you don’t know.

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Posted in Everyday Life

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